Just a small town country wife, exploring her sexuality, with no judgment.
Enjoy getting questions and submissions. NO DICK PICS!!
Help Our Turtle Friends!!!
NO NO NO NO
SO VERY WRONG
LISTEN ALL MY FELLOW FRIENDS: I’VE VOLUNTEERED AT THE NEW ENGLAND WILDLIFE CENTER, A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TRAVEL TO INTERN AT, FOR MORE THAN YEAR AND THIS IS SO VERY WRONG
IN CASE YA’LL DIDN’T KNOW, TURTLE ARE CONNECTED TO THEIR SHELLS, AND PICKING THEM UP LIKE IS SHOWN IN THE PICTURE CAN SEVERELY DAMAGE THEIR SPINE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU JERK THEM AROUND
SO LET ME TELL YOU A THING
IF YOU SEE A TURTLE IN THE ROAD, STOP YOUR CAR FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT THE TURTLE CAN STILL BE SEEN THROUGH YOUR WINDSHIELD.
IF YOU’RE ON A NON-BUSY ROAD AND/OR THE TURTLE ISN’T FLIPPED ON IT’S SHELL (WHICH BY THE WAY WHAT THE FUCK TURTLE DON’T ACTUALLY FALL ON THEIR BACKS LIKE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVER ESPECIALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THAT PICTURE) GET A STICK OR JUST USE YOUR FOOT TO GENTLY NUDGE THE TURTLE’S REAR IN THE DIRECTION IT’S GOING IN. THOSE FUCKERS ARE FAST WHEN THEY WANT TO BE.
IF PICKING UP THE TURTLE IS NECESSARY, APPROACH IT FROM THE SIDE, MAKE SURE IT SEES YOU, THEN GO AROUND THE BACK. ALL TURTLES HAVE JAWS LIKE THE VIRGIN ASSHOLE OF SATAN, EVEN IF IT’S NOT A SNAPPER, AND YOU DO NOT WANT THOSE CLAMPERS ON YOUR HAND OR ARM. BELIEVE ME.
PICK THAT SHELLED CUTENESS UP LIKE A HAMBURGER, ONE HAND ON EACH SIDE OF THE SHELL HALFWAY BETWEEN FRONT AND BACK LEGS, FINGERS ON THE BOTTOM SHELL, THUMBS ON THE TOP SHELL. KEEP THE TURTLE AS HORIZONTAL AS YOU CAN AS YOU CARRY IT TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BRING THE TURTLE TO A “SAFE HABITAT.” DISPLACING ANY SPECIES OF WILDLIFE LOWERS THEIR CHANCE OF SURVIVAL DUE TO NOT KNOWING WHERE THE FUCK THEY ARE. MAKE SURE THE TURTLE IS SOMEWHERE AROUND TEN PACES AWAY FROM ANY KIND OF HUMAN CONTRAPTION, INCLUDING HOUSES AND SIDEWALKS, AND THEN LEAVE HIM TO HIS DEVICES. THEY’RE NOT STUPID, THEY’RE NOT GONNA TURN AROUND AND WALK RIGHT BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
THINGS TO REMEMBER:
-DON’T PICK UP BY THE TAIL. IT CAN BREAK THE SPINE.
-DON’T MOVE TO ANOTHER HABITAT.
-DON’T TAKE ‘EM HOME. THAT’S ACTUALLY ILLEGAL IN MOST STATES.
-DON’T PUT YOUR HANDS ANYWHERE NEAR THE MOUTH.
-BE WARY OF THEIR FEET, THEIR CLAWS CAN BE SHARP.
-WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER, REPTILES CAN CARRY SALMONELLA AND WHILE IT’S PRETTY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTRACT IT UNLESS YOU SUCK ON THEIR CLOACA IT’S BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.
-DON’T MOVE THE TURTLE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THEY JUST CAME FROM. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT. THEY WANT TO GO THE WAY THEY WERE GOING, GENIUS.
-IF THE TURTLE IS ON A HIGHWAY, IT’S PROBABLY BEST TO PICK THEM UP- AS DESCRIBED ABOVE- AND PUT THEM IN A BOX FOR TRANSPORT SINCE THEY’RE SQUIRMY LITTLE BITCHES.
-SNAPPERS ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS OTHER TURTLES, DON’T IGNORE THEM BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE DEMON CHILD OF A T-REX AND BOX TURTLE. NO MATTER HOW BUSY THE ROAD IS, THOUGH, THE RULE OF THUMB IS DON’T PICK THEM UP IF THEY’RE BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD. STOP TRAFFIC AND NUDGE THEM ALONG. PEOPLE MAY BE PISSED AT YOU, BUT AT LEAST YOU’LL KEEP YOUR FINGERS.
WIELD YOUR NEW FOUND KNOWLEDGE FREQUENTLY, MY FELLOW TURTLE SAVIORS.
it is important that you read this shining example of wildlife safety literature all the way through to fully appreciate its radiance and learn the ways of turtle protection.
Constant Gay Porn!
went to a notoriously haunted cemetery and set up a small altar for purification during a tarot reading
Constant Gay Porn!
My fantasy first time (with another girl)
“I’m in my college dorm room. It’s a Friday evening and my roommate and I have been cramming for our courses for the past few weeks. The work has began to slow down this week, however.
My roommate, let’s just call her Holly ;), and I are very close considering we’ve been roomed together since our freshman year, and we’re in our third year now.
I walked towards her room to offer a movie night for some relaxation, but as I neared her room, I heard a slight moan exit her mouth. Her door was slightly cracked as I watched her, one hand rubs her clit through her sweatpants while the other massages her left nipple under her tank top.
I was fascinated at the sight, as I had imagined for a while what it would be like to see her in this state. After watching so many type of lesbian porn, I’ve always wanted to experiment with another girl.
She is still going to town on herself when I decide to enter her room. She opens her eyes and gasps in surprise as her cheeks flush in embarrassment. I near her bed and crawl up next to her. Holly looks at me, as if asking why and what am I doing.She removes her hands from their places and begins pushing herself up.
I push her body back down and climb on top of her. “Let me do something”, I say, my nerves relaxing and wilding out at the same time. I look down and slide my into her panties as she nods. I run my fingers up and down her vagina, Holly’s juices running down my hand.
I can feel Holly begin to slightly quiver, and then I enter my first finger. She gasps and moves her hands up to her breasts, gathering them in her hands and biting her bottom lip. My finger goes in and out until I slowly enter a second finger. She moans loudly and I feel myself begin to tingle in my own panties.
I use my other hand to move my panties aside and begin rubbing myself. I feel Holly remove my hand and replace it with her own. She is rubbing me so slow, teasing me. I’m getting wetter by the stroke.
"Faster. Please, go faster", I moan into Holly’s neck. I push my fingers in faster and faster and her breaths come out faster. She rubs my clit faster and i feel Holly and myself getting closer to our climax.
When we’re both about come, I remove my hand and get up.
"I didn’t come yet. Why did you stop?", Holly whines.
As I stand in front of her, I take off all of my clothes and do the same to her. I climb back on top of her and get into the 69 position. I begin licking her soaking wet clit and vagina, going between her lips. I feel her do the same, but more needy, more hungry.
We continue licking and fingering each other until we both come over the other’s face. I climb off of Holly and lie beside her. We’re both catching our breath side by side. I look over at her to find her already staring at me, smiling.
"This was my first time, you know?", I ask Holly, reaching down for her hand.
She tightens her grip on my hand as she leans over and kisses me softly. “I know.””
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